So much to be thankful for this week...while it's been a rough past few weeks of illness and things seemed to be falling apart...I am always amazed that at those times God seems to answer the most prayers, and seems to be the most near.
I am overwhelmed with life right now, so I'm quiet and reflective, and there is not really a story in me today, just a desire to live out my story and not just to write about thanks and grace, but to bathe in the joy and to swim in the grace...to live the grace. Sometimes this may mean writing less, and having less to say, and listening more.
So this week, I'm not struggling to keep my head up out of the muck--I'm drowning in grace--in a way, it's a choice, and in a way, it's just an answering to the weight of God's glory, like the bending of a tree in a hurricane.
"If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking..."
#259 my hands being in dirt--fall flowers and a deep breath of change
#260 for the ability to take a moment to be calm and at peace--to just rest
#261 husband taking me to buy flowers to make my yard beautiful
#262 a lazy nap in the hammock with husband on Sunday and really doing Sabbath rest
#263 his response when i ask to make a request: "I'll take care of it" and my relief...this shepharding that i need, and why did i ever buck it?
#264 a family day at Mr. Simmons' work--more fun than four girls can imagine with rides and all the jumping and ice cream a kid could want--and how it's different this time and my admission, "You have never been more attractive to me than right now, because you provide our family with all this." and his "really?"
#265 working together as a team to make the day as enjoyable as possible in the heat before packing up and hiking back to the van for the long drive home
#266 knowing that things are easier because i am submissive out of respect and love for my family...not out of the need to follow a rule...this is grace
#267 God blessing us financially to be able to buy all we need for school
#268 the first day and no crying and we have actually been productive--maybe i can do this schooling thing after all
#269 a few books that are missing from our order...knowing that everything will work itself out and worrying will not help
#270 Lilly getting an infection and me having to stop and all of the resulting time spent rocking and soothing, cheek to cheek and feeling her go limp asleep, safe in my arms
#271 that she always prefers me--no greater feeling
#272 Lilly grinning up at me with those wide, red plump lips, that smile that seems to take up her whole face, gleaming angelic joy, her on her new little throne and training to be a big girl
#273 me coming out of the woods with a 3 ft tall Spider Lilly and bulbs to plant and husband, riding the mower, looking at me shocked, "where did YOU come from?"
#274 happy work, all of us together
#275 girls helping me place bulbs deep in the ground--me working hard to snatch a last bit of light and lush, bright lillies to go in the holes--so they can wave to the road from their post in front of the picket fence
#276 how Lorna comes and tells Ivy she can go take a break while she finishes up the watering
#277 planting and digging 'til i can't see, raking dirt, seeing the grass comb back and fluff up green, lillies looking out from the dark, settled in their homes, a candle brought by daughter my only light
#278 sheets, blankets and toys coming out of washer smelling clean
#279 scrubbing dried banana out of rugs, soaking stains and making everything clean...lighting candles when everything is laid bare and peaceful
#280 thankful for the healthy body with which to serve and to make home a haven
#281friends who aren't going anywhere, who forgive and let me forgive back, and the great solace i find in this
#282 how Lilly's small, light voice keeps sing-song calling out in the afternoon to her eldest sister: "Lo---na" (Lorna)
#283 how Bella says very matter-of factly to her sisters when asked to do something, "Sorry, I gotta swing"
#284 a late night run with an old friend, talking into the wee hours of the morning like teenagers and knowing that she is more family than she is friend. that God keeps blessing me with good friends
#285 how he keeps pulling the bible off the shelf and bringing it to the table night after night, never giving up on us, even when we are unruly, irritable and tired. how this soothes me.