{The Conundrums of Christian Writing and Blogging: A Series}
Endorsements are the pithy accolades that appear in
the opening pages and on the front and back covers of a book. Two months ago I
learned from my publisher that it’s the author’s responsibility to ask other
writers if they might be willing to take a look at the book and write an
endorsement. The emails I dutifully typed to more than a dozen authors were
among the most awkward I have ever written, because when it comes right down to
it, asking for an endorsement for your book is asking for praise, and asking
for praise places you in a position of vulnerability and weakness. Not my
favorite place.
I waited. And I cried tears of relief and joy as I
read some of the early endorsements that came in. I felt a little like Sally
Field at the Oscars. People like my book,
they like it, they really like it!
Until, that is, the endorsements stopped coming, and
the deadline passed.
They’re
busy, I told myself. They
have their own deadlines, their own jobs, their own families to feed and socks
to match and dry cleaning to retrieve. It’s not all about you.
Rationally, intellectually, I knew this was true. But
emotionally I tumbled fast, head over heels down the slippery slope in a blur
of self-pity and sorrow.
But that hasn’t been the case for me. Because there
is always the next thing.
The week the deadline passed and the endorsements
didn’t come, I read the Book of James from start to finish every morning for
seven days straight. The following week, when the endorsements still didn’t
come, I read the Book of James from start to finish every morning for seven
days straight.
“Don’t
you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? …Come
close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners;
purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world.”
(James 4:4, 4:8)
I needed to read these words again and again, to hammer
them into my mind and heart. I needed to awaken every morning and read these
same words because I knew I was losing the battle, succumbing to temptation,
letting my desire for worldly achievement win. And I knew I couldn’t save
myself.
Friends, hear this: nothing will cease the cycle of not
enough -- not your next achievement or your next success; not the fanciest
accolade or the highest praise. Nothing will haul you out of the pit of
self-pity, not even the one-pound bar of dark chocolate your husband brings
home from Trader Joe’s.
Nothing,
that is, but God.
The Bible isn’t a quick fix for me. That’s why I
have to read it every day. That’s why I have to read the same verses for
fourteen days straight. My Bible is not a balm, but a hammer -- pounding ,
repeating, forcing the hard, beautiful truth deep into my mind and heart one
verse, one word, one syllable at a time.
I received one more
eleventh-hour endorsement for the book on the morning it was scheduled to go to
press. The remaining endorsements never came. And I won’t tell you it didn’t
hurt; I won’t tell you it wasn’t a crushing blow. But I will tell you this: I
came closer to God in those weeks of waiting. His truth was hard; it stung. But
as I came closer to God, he pulled me closer to him. And then he shored me up
and gently pushed me back out again, armed with new courage and fresh strength.
A Massachusetts native, Michelle DeRusha moved
to Nebraska in 2001, where she discovered the Great Plains, grasshoppers the
size of Cornish hens … and God. Michelle writes about finding and keeping faith
in the everyday at michellederusha.com, as well as for the Lincoln Journal Star, Prodigal Magazine and The High Calling. She’s mom to two
bug-loving boys, Noah and Rowan, and is married to Brad, an English professor
who reads Moby Dick for fun. Her
first book, Spiritual Misfit: A Memoir of
Uneasy Faith, will be published in
April 2014. She hangs out here on facebook and twitter.
Hey--isn't Michelle awesome? I *so* love her honesty, y'all. Do you struggle with this as a writer? Or just in life in general? Let's discuss this in the comments!
**This is a series--I hope you'll be back next week, for more delving into this. At the end of the series, Kelli Woodford and I are hosting a link-up here for you to share your own stories of what makes Christian writing and blogging hard for you. Kelli and I will choose one *amazing* story from the link-up to feature on both of our blogs sometime around the end of February (nailed-down dates to come). So, what are the issues we face and deal with as writers? Please keep this theme in mind, and think of how you'd like to share your own story or journey of blogging/writing with us! **{Requirements for link-up: Please no maligning/no mention in a negative manner of other blogs/authors/writers/brothers & sisters in Christ. Hurt does happen in community, and if we write about that, one option is to change the name/situation/dates, so that the people involved remain anonymous and are protected. "Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends." Proverbs 17:9}
