Fear of Commitment and Guatemala {31 Days of Fear--Day 3}

Almost exactly a year ago, I said I want to do something with this grace given me, that my only right response to the suffering on that sacred tree is to reach out, not only vertically, but horizontally.

I have also asked God why do we keep being up-rooted, and why do we want to run from steely sharp steeples, but want to run into the arms of God and homeless people and little children--orphans who just need someone to hold them, them sitting all alone, no human hand to ever contact them?

So why am I still sitting here?

I want to confront fears of failure head on, the fear that I will not really be able to make a difference. I want to confront the fear of commitment--what will happen if I step out and commit myself to something, when I already feel so burdened with my own family, and my body feels weak.

I want to confront the fears born of selfishness that scream what if your husband's hours are cut again like they were before and you six were barely able to eat and pay the house mortgage? Remember that--what that felt like? Remember when you were humiliated when others brought food because they knew you were doing without? You don't want to ever go through that again. Never. Satan whispers death-blows, tickles my ear with his fork-tongue, coaxes me into languor and dormancy. I will face these fears.

I don't want to continue doing nothing.

So I will do something.

And I still want to go, to be his hands and feet. I long to be poured out. But God has revealed just a small part of His will for me--that He has me here, pouring out to these, my children, and He wants me joy-filled in that. Yet, this desire stirs deep, deep within my soul. And I know, eventually, I will answer it. I do not know when--only God knows.

My friend, Michele at A Life Surrendered, has said some of the same things, has wrestled with this growing, aching need to go and be the hands of feet of Jesus. You can read about some of her questions and prayers, her groanings and worship to God, her experience in Guatemala, here at her blog.

I wanted to share this video so that you can see where she went, under a burden to minister to the sick, to feed the hungry. This video is beautiful and heartbreaking and achingly redemptive. This is something I believe in and will be giving to--Hope of Life, who works with World Help--the financial need to continue to rescue and nurture these children back to life is great--but each little bit we share and give helps a child survive. I hope you'll visit Michele's page here and consider giving.

Linking up with The Nester, and all the other 31-Dayers....This ought to be one wild, brave ride...

Do you struggle with this kind of fear, friend? What has God whispered to your heart about it? Your comments so encourage me. I draw strength from your kind words and knowing you were here. My faith walk is seasoned with the right ingredients when you hang around...

This is Day 3 of 31 days of Fear. Since I'm starting my Day 1 a little late, my "31 Days" will not have 31 posts. I have chosen to do this one on FEAR, because it seems to be something I keep wrestling with over and over, something that keeps me in chains, pins me down, won't let me free. I hope you will come with me on this journey--to get a taste of glorious redemption as I soul-search and look for Jesus smack-dab in the middle of my fears. And Jesus sits with sinners. I won't have to look very far. Couldn't we all use some freedom from those fear-chains that bind? I pray God gives me the strength and the courage to complete 31 days--y'all, it's going to be hard on this 'ol gal to write every.single.day. Pray for me? You can find the entire 31 Day collective here <---hover with mouse to highlight and click 

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  1. Yes, I hear your groaning and feel the holy echo in my own life. I just turned forty and told God on my b-day that I'm willing to go ANYWHERE, do ANYTHING that He's dreamed for me. My arms ache for orphans, for little ones gasping beneath the oppression of poverty, for mamas hauling water and wondering when help with come. I, too, want to be His hands and feet. Heading over to Michele's now. Thank you, friend.

  2. Continue to be moved by all you share... Always stirs my faith, deep things within, that your writing articulates so honestly, so clearly. I want to have more to say in answer to your questions to those of us reading, but all that comes to surface to say in response, the groaning of my own heart, is Yes!!!! and Amen.
    Love you, dearest!!! <3



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